DEMENTIA

REAL ESTATE JOURNAL

DEMENTIA

By Bill Barksdale GRI Realtor®

Where was she? Her husband walked into the livingroom and switched on the light. There she was, sitting in the dark, a lost look on her face. She knew something was changing and she was scared, confused and feeling alone. Even with a caring partner or caretaker near, dementia is a lonely journey. My mother, in her 90’s, was in the beginning stages of a type of dementia.

There are a number of types of dementing illnesses, but the one we hear about most often is Alzheimer. Dementia is a brain disease. There is no commonly agreed cause identified by science at this time, and it is generally thought that there is currently no cure. Some professionals argue that smoking, which robs the body and brain of oxygen, exacerbates this and other disease processes. As the brain changes and the disease inevitably progresses, so do the person’s abilities and personality.

I’m not a medical professional so if you suspect you or someone you care about may have dementia, consult a qualified professional who is experienced and trained to diagnose and help people with this disease. It’s a journey for both caretaker and patient.

Dementia is a huge, complex topic and a short article can only touch the topic. Really, everyone would be well advised to learn more about it. It will likely touch your life at some point if it hasn’t already. This disease is a slow process.

Where can you go to learn more? Although only recently published, Dr Tia Powell’s book, Dementia Reimagined: Building a Life of Joy and Dignity from Beginning to End, is already a best seller. The Alzheimer’s Association has chapters all over the county. Their referral toll-free number is 1-800-272-3900. Their web page is www.alz.org. The U.S. Administration on Aging can help you find your local help line. Use the Eldercare Search Line (http://www.eldercare.gov/Eldercare/Public/Home.asp) or call toll free 1-800-677-1116. There is a lot of information on the internet. Locally you can try the Willits Seniors Inc. 459-6826, or Adult Protective Services 459-2889 - to try locating local resources.

I work with many older people in my career and have client family members, friends and relatives with dementia. I’ve had to begin educating myself.

As the brain changes things don’t make sense to the person anymore. They become confused, memory loss progresses, the person often becomes incontinent and adult diapers that are changed regularly are a must when this happens. The patient commonly develops a fear of bathing so they need help with their hygiene, including using the toilet. People they’ve known for a long time, even family members are no longer recognized. The person can become argumentative. That person is frightened.

You cannot reason with a person suffering from dementia because they can no longer process “reason”. Familiar surroundings become important. They often become desperate to find some sort of security. That may mean something different to the patient than it does to you. Don’t argue. Let me repeat – Don’t Argue with them. Find a way to agree, even if you don’t. Pivot and try to change the subject if you can. They’re frightened. They need comfort. The familiar is no longer familiar. When they get angry, your anger is not a helpful response. That’s a hard one for caretakers, but necessary to learn.

One dear friend of mine will wear nothing but red clothes now. We don’t argue with her. We’ve just gotten her a lot of red clothes. That makes her happy.

THE CARE TAKER Not giving medical advice here, but things to ask professionals and think about. My friend and In Home Support Services (IHSS) caretaker, Betty Riddle, was kind enough to talk with me. A few important points she made were: Learn to control your emotions. Don’t get defensive, it’s not personal. Part of the patient is still there, but part is gone. The caretaker has to help the patient preserve personal dignity.

Family members need help. Patients can be verbally abusive, rarely physically abusive but don’t turn your back on the patient. If the patient becomes violent call 911 or IHSS. Don’t hurt the patient. You’ve got to keep your cool. Behavior can change in a split second. Disease like urinary track infections or diabetes can exacerbate the behavior. Street drugs mixed with mental illness is very dangerous.

Caretakers need support, someone to talk with. It’s a stressful job. Learn how to breathe and count to 10 to cool down.

“Part of that person has died and they’re not coming back. You can’t sugar-coat that.” You have to take control of the situation and get help. There’s so much more that Betty talked about that I don’t have space to share. Educate yourself. That’s important.
From herbalist Donna D’Terra, herbs for brain health before dementia strikes. Gingko – Increases cerebral blood flow, powerful antioxidant & increases memory. Gota Kola – Specific for brain stress. Turmeric – Helps prevent formation of beta amyloid (implicated in Alzheimer’s). As always, consult your physician and do your own research. Herbs can interact with prescription drugs and effect different people in different ways so learn how to safely use them.

In closing a few personal opinions and thoughts. Draw up an Advance Directive before dementia or other illness strikes so your wishes will be followed. Also have other estate documents such as a Will and Trust. Also, let me ask you this question. What do you want your government to spend your tax dollars on, war or effective, affordable health care? Trillions are being spent on war every year. Is that what you really want? Let your representatives know.

Bill Barksdale was a 2016 inductee into the Realtor® Hall of Fame. He is an agent at Coldwell Banker Mendo Realty Inc