Learning Lessons

 

Learning Lessons

Bill Barksdale, Columnist

I just got off the phone with my dear old friend, Tessa, in the Bay Area.  We’ve been like beloved family for well over 45 years.  For a number of years we did theater together in the improvisational company we started together with another friend.  Improv theater is a kind of science as well as a craft and, if done well, an art.  Tessa went on to become a gifted teacher of grade school age children.  She often worked with challenging children.  When other teachers and parents didn’t know how to deal with their children they often went to Tessa.

Teaching can be an art.  It’s not always thought of like that, but when a teacher has sufficient empathy plus that something extra, that special gift – teaching becomes an art.  Tessa is a true artist.  She was as an acting partner and she is a teacher.  Even now, in her 70’s she still gets called to the classroom to teach not only children, but the teachers themselves. 

Theater is often thought of as a frivolous thing, one of the first to be cut when sports or other budget items need more money, but I can tell you from personal experience that learning the craft of acting and making theater is a skill that can serve one for the rest of their life.  Improv theater especially helps one to think on their feet, think fast.  In business and everyday life we are often called upon to make a quick, creative and “right” decision.  Few things teach this better than improvisation. 

Teaching, good teaching, is a craft and when done well – an art.  Think about it, children spend much of their waking time with teachers.  From kindergarten or even earlier, up through grade twelve or further we are with teachers much of the time.  Someone who knows how to excite a young person to learn is one of the most important influences in one’s life.  That, and loving parents.

One of the first things a client would often ask me about was “How are the local schools?”  Even people who didn’t have school age children often would ask this question.  Why?  Because, if you have children you want them to get a good start in life.  Not everyone goes on to college. College is not necessary to a good future but often some sort of specialized education is. 

I’m a big fan of Community College, but also of vocational training.  Many people learn useful, career skills through what is sometimes called vocational training.  As an example, there is a shortage of skilled workers for auto repair, construction, child care, plumbing – so many other job skills that can be taught in public school and on the job.  These can be lucrative careers.  One advantage of community college is, it’s affordable and flexible.  Often the skills learned in these ways create careers as good as a four-year college.

We tend to seriously underfund our school systems, and often spend more on sports programs than on the arts, which often open more job opportunities than sports.  I’m not knocking sports.  Learning team work, physical health, and leadership skills that are part of sports are all important.  The arts teach communication, creativity – so important in entrepreneurship and interpersonal relationships.  They work hand-in-hand, you see, as complimentary partners.

Back to my first point of the way something like theater teaches problem solving, empathy and communication which are so vital in effectively relating to others who need extra guidance and clarity. 

Tessa told me about a young boy who had severe behavioral issues.  No teacher knew how to deal with his behavior, nor did his parents.  He ended up in Tessa’s classroom.  She literally took him by the hand.  She told me a story of how she took him to lunch with her.  As she held his hand on the way to lunch he looked up at her and said “I don’t like you.”  She looked at him and said, “I don’t like you either” but she knew he didn’t really feel that way.  It’s just the devise he used to push people away because he didn’t want to be hurt.  They connected.

Despite what he just said, she was unfazed.  They had a good lunch together and over time his behavior changed.  He needed someone who would not be pushed away. Someone who demonstrated that she cared about him unconditionally.  That helped him to feel safe and OK.  The parents were so grateful with the change in his behavior that they hardly knew how to thank her.  Her remarkable empathy and skill literally changed this little boy’s life and that of his loving parents. 

A good teacher is one of early life’s greatest gifts.  We, as a society often undervalue teachers.  A bad, insensitive teacher is a curse.  I know that from experience, but many teachers that I experienced were special people that encouraged and cared about me.  I remember a teacher that would belittle students that didn’t meet her expectations.  It wasn’t the student.  It was the teacher who lacked the skills needed to help those students. 

Then there’s the home situation.  A child in a home with substance abuse, fighting parents, parents who are too busy to give that young child the love and attention that all children need – that child has a huge disadvantage.  There are some people who just should not have children.  Those adults often came from dysfunctional homes themselves and that’s all they know.  They’re not ready to have children and may never be.  Oh, if they would only recognize that they haven’t grown up themselves. 

I know many teachers.  One told me of a girl with bare midriff & short-shorts going over and sitting on some boy’s lap in class.  Some teachers often feel powerless to stop this behavior now days.  Why?  That’s a rotten learning situation.  And what kind of parent allows their child to go to school that way?  Kids are confused enough about sex these days.  Have we really devolved that much that that kind of behavior is considered OK?  If so I can only say, that stinks for both the kid and the learning environment.  The scope of education includes social behavior.  What kind of future can those kids expect?  Can they expect to get a good job or career looking like this in a work situation? 

Of course, there’s also bullying in school.  The bullies themselves are often the products of dysfunctional homes.  Our schools need to provide much better training to teachers and other school personnel in how to acknowledge which children are bullies and how to get to the bottom of that behavior.  If it’s a home situation, and that’s often where this type of behavior begins, that’s a touchy situation.  Bullying behavior needs to be proactively interrupted and stopped.    These kids need helpful and firm guidance.  Dealing with bullies is important for all school personnel and parents to take seriously. 

Let’s make proper funding of our schools a major priority.  Yes, tax dollars have many demands, but can you think of anything more important than our children?  Yes, there are many important issues that need those dollars and our attention as a society, but today’s children are literally the future.  Giving those children a good education and start in life is critical.

As far as where people choose to live, community and quality of life, fine schools are fundamental. 

Bill Barksdale was inducted into the 2016 Realtor® Hall of Fame, and served as Chair of the County of Mendocino Assessment Appeals Board settling property tax disputes between the County Assessor & citizens and businesses.  Read more of Bill’s columns on his blog at www.bbarksdale.com

Who Knows Where the Time Goes?

 

Who Knows Where the Time Goes?

Bill Barksdale, Columnist

I remember hearing Judy Collins recording of English songwriter/singer, Sandy Denny’s song, Who Knows Where the Time Goes.  I think it was 1968.  I had moved to New York City to go to school, a boy who had hardly ever been out of Oregon.  There was so much life packed into that five years in NYC, going to school and working, just growing up.  The world of international culture available at literally every turn.  Everything from Radio City Music Hall which was a movie theater at the time with a full Broadway-style stage show between every showing of the movie, featuring The Rockettes and a full symphony orchestra – to real Broadway shows that cost $2.25 for a balcony seat. 

Some of the world’s great museums where I was just a couple of feet away from the paintings of Picasso and Willem de Kooning, Gauguin, Van Gogh, Mark Rothko, so many others.  The New York City Opera and New York City Ballet were even more affordable with a balcony seat costing only $1.25.  The Joffrey Ballet season was always a big event as was Alvin Ailey Ballet.  We always got free tickets to the Martha Graham dance theater every season because she had started the dance department at my school.  I once followed dancer, Rudolph Nureyev through Central Park.  It was fairly common in NYC to see the most extraordinary people on the street or in the park. 

Later I moved to San Francisco which was a different experience.  It was the end of the hippie era and I first lived in a commune where a good friend from my high school lived with some of her classmates from Stanford.  Haight Street was only ½ block from our house.  As I walked through the Pan Handle off Golden Gate Park everyday there would be a group doing Tai Chi.  

I lived in S.F. for 15 years.  Moved there with a friend.  He was a prolific photographer.  We used to take our film to Castro Camera, Harvey Milk’s shop.  This was before Harvey became a gay activist.  We would just lean on the counter and chat as we dropped off rolls of film for processing.  I became the weekend breakfast cook at a well-known South of Market restaurant called Hamburger Mary’s.  I was the only cook and I could put out eggs, omelets, burgers – you name it – in minutes.  Still can’t stand slow service in a restaurant.

I started an improv theater group called On The Verge with my friends Tessa & Jeanine.  Lived in an artist’s warehouse cooperative called Project One.  Our loft space was so large that we had a small theater in it.  In S.F. I walked almost everywhere.  I was in great shape climbing those hills – and being young.  In the early 1980’s AIDS hit and I became a caregiver.  I never got it but I watched as almost an entire generation of young men died, including one of my best friends, whose hand I was holding as his eyes rolled up in his head and he died.  A real gut punch. 

Joe and I moved to our forest cabin in the redwoods outside Willits.  Isolated and quiet, I had to start a new life.  Our friend Jeanne gave me a Mendocino College catalogue and I took classes in real estate from Seiji Sugawara.  Seiji was a wonderful man.  He became a County Supervisor as I recall, but more than anything he was a teacher and activist.  “Give more than you take” he would say.  He certainly did that with his life.  He became a friend and would occasionally drop into my office to see how my career was going, a career he had introduced me to. 

Later I took a number of classes from Nash Gonzalez, classes like Urban Planning, Real Estate Finance and others.  Nash was a master-teacher.  I became fascinated by business law, easement law, and water law.  Who would have thought?  I remember taking a class in real estate case law in San Francisco taught by a team of real estate attorneys.  When the leader of the seminar asked “Is anyone here not an attorney?” I raised my hand.  Mine was the only hand raised in a room of nearly 100 people.  Learned a lot.

I always saw my job as a way to help people make transitions in their lives.  Goodness knows, I had made plenty in my life and knew something about that.  I would spend a lot of time listening to clients as they talked about their lives and the changes they were going through.  That’s often when someone goes to a real estate agent, when a big life change is happening. 

Often I heard a client say “This may sound like a stupid question but….”.  Let me say, there are pretty much No Stupid Questions when you are preparing to enter into a legal agreement and spend thousands of dollars.  For some reason we are often made to feel stupid if we don’t know everything, which of course no one does.  I always encouraged clients to ask every question they could think of regarding what we were doing.  We are all constantly learning.  Asking questions is part of the process. 

I was inspired to mention this because I heard of some home buyers who were encouraged to get an adjustable rate loan to purchase their house.  They were told it would “be no problem” to get that loan converted to a fixed-rate loan later on, and in the meantime it would be easier to qualify for a purchase loan with an adjustable.  As it turned out, getting a refi was a problem when the time came and they lost their home when the payment rose too high.  No one explained to them the ‘down side’. 

I suppose even the seemingly bad things that happen are ‘a learning process’.  Life is a learning process.  One of the lessons is ‘money isn’t everything’ in fact it’s often a distraction that keeps one from recognizing what is really important in life.  Some money is important to get along in our world, of course.  Sixteenth century English poet, Sir Edward Dyer said in his poem, My Mind To Me A Kingdom Is, said “Some have too much, yet still do crave; I little have, and seek no more.  They are but poor, though much they have, And I am rich with little store.” 

In our society today we are encouraged to buy, buy, buy.  In fact big business refers to people as “consumers”.  If a company doesn’t grow larger each and every year, it’s considered a failure.  What nonsense.  Growth and bigger profits are considered more important than making life better.  It’s but a few who profit monetarily, but they crave more. The latest software or phone has become more important than quality of life.  “Some have too much, yet still do crave”. 

Advertising & marketing are geared to inspiring ‘want’ where there is little or no need in order to improve quality of life.  Wait until you need to move and look at all you have collected but don’t need or even want, and certainly don’t want to pack up and take with you.  Our planet is choking on human debris.  “Tis a gift to be simple.”

All I have spoken about almost seems like it happened to someone else.  A 30 year career sometimes seems like a dream, one that am grateful to have lived though.  My youthful adventures were rich and exciting, but long ago.  I still get calls or visits from people with questions about how to navigate their latest life transition.  Life goes on.  It all goes by so quickly, yet I have little attachment.  Who knows where the time goes?

Bill Barksdale was inducted into the 2016 Realtor® Hall of Fame, and served as Chair of the County of Mendocino Assessment Appeals Board settling property tax disputes between the County Assessor & citizens and businesses.  Read more of Bill’s columns on his blog at www.bbarksdale.com