Pushy Pigs – Dealing With Bullies
Bill Barksdale, Columnist
When I was a kid a person who was aggressive, thoughtless and/or cruel was often referred to as a “pushy pig”. An unfortunate term since humans have a long history of cruelty toward pigs and other animals that are commercially raised for us to eat. But that’s another story. Today I’m writing about the social and psychological problem of “Bullying”.
What is “bullying”? “Bullying is aggressive behavior that involves an imbalance of power or strength.” “Typically, bullying is repeated time and time again.” “Bullying in the 21st century has reached a whole new level. It involves the complex vortex of the internet.” Bullies “lack a sense of empathy and concern for others.”
I’m indebted to the Willits Public Library and our wonderful Branch Supervisor, Denise Jessie, for helping me locate some of the materials I used to research this topic. Neither Denise nor the library system are responsible for any of the content of this column. The topic and choices of content are all mine.
Two resources I relied heavily on are the DVD Stop Bullying Now! Video Toolkit produced by the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services Bullying Campaign, and the book BULLYING, produced by the Current Controversies Series, Noah Berlatsky, Editor. Both are available at our local library and if you are interested I urge you to check these out to learn more. There’s a lot more useful information available in these sources and the internet.
When I was in the 5th grade at recess one of the class “jocks”, Jim, got about six of his buddies to pull me over to a corner of the playground far from any teacher. Jim had two of his buddies grab me by the arms and hold me back then gave me a terrific punch in the abdomen which knocked all the air out of my lungs leaving me gasping for breath and staggering to stand up. The seven jock bullies stood around me laughing. We’re talking about eleven year old kids.
I never knew why this happened but I’ve never forgotten it. It’s typical bully behavior. Cowards all, obviously. It was one kid assaulted by a gang of seven, encouraged by one “leader”. Don’t know what Jim’s family was like but bullying is often passed from parent to child. It’s not always physical – rumors, gossiping, exclusion and now cyberbullying through social media are part of the mix.
Per my research, bullies are often some of the “cool kids”, jocks, cool girls (I was shocked to learn that there is a lot of bullying by girls toward other girls.), and even by some teachers. I recall one particularly sadistic high school Physical Ed teacher who loved to put any boy he felt wasn’t “man enough” in the center of the “dodge-ball” circle then stand back watching as that kid got pummeled over and over by the cool kids. He taught bullying, not physical education. This “teacher” needed psychological help.
Obviously bully-behavior is just as prevalent in adults as in children. Children model the behavior of their parents or other authority figures in their lives. We all learn that way to some extent. Some research has concluded that bullies often “grow up in homes where there is inconsistent discipline. Parents have big mood swings. There is little positive parent / child interaction.” And of course, the children are often abused.
“Children who bully are far more likely to become adults who batter their spouse, abuse their children, and sadly to produce another generation of bullies.” says Randy Wiler, Director Kansas Bullying Prevention Program. He’s a law enforcement official. “Bullying is abuse, not conflict.”
We’re seeing bully-behavior show up more often in a big way in politics and even religion these days. That’s where the term “bully pulpit” comes from.
Bullied kids often exhibit signs of depression, hopelessness and sometimes consider suicide. They don’t want to go to school. Often develop low self-esteem and are made to feel “less than”. U.S. military private, Danny Chen, committed suicide after constant bullying and harassment by fellow solders while in Afghanistan. He was only nineteen. War itself is often bullying on a major scale.
A study by the U.S. Secret Service and U.S. Department of Education has found that in many cases, “student shooters have been bullied, persecuted or injured by others prior to the attack”. Sometimes it’s just fear tactics used by politicians and misguided community leaders that inspire violence. People who are manipulated through fear tactics will often give up their freedom in a misguided attempt to try to feel safe, or they become the aggressive psychopath. In the U.S. today there is a mass-shooting virtually every day! WTF!
Adult bullying has manifested in violent ways in places like Canada’s Royal Canadian Mounted Police, the National Football League, Police Academies where inappropriate military-style training teaches aggressive abusive behavior toward civilians, immigrant abuse, and in workplace situations, sexism, anti-LGBT & ageism, and most certainly in today’s politics.
Teachers, who already have stressful jobs are forced to meet unrealistic goals and are often denigrated by politicians and even superiors and parents. Not to mention the rise in school shootings. As a society we must seriously address these and other intolerable situations. Be the one who stands up and says something. Demand change. Vote for the politician who actually articulates solutions. Anyone can bitch but only the honorable, thoughtful leader will offer real workable solutions. No reasonable solutions to offer? Get out of leadership.
Begin looking for solutions and more clarity at https://www.stopbullying.gov/. This site offers suggestions regarding: Cyberbullying, how to prevent & respond – What Schools Can Do, Establishing and enforcing Policies – Federal Law, Civil Rights cases & law – What Kids Can Do, Are you being bullied or are you seeing it at your school, Things you can do to keep your child and community safer. There are a number of other sites on the net.
There’s also https://www.nasn.org/home, The National Association of School Nurses. This organization guides those interested in the specialized skill of School Nursing. This organization also has a bullying program.
Per the Journal of the American Medical Association “Approximately 30% of all youth in grades 6 – 10 have been bullied or have bullied other children.” That’s a lot of children subject to abuse by their peers. Add to that adults who bully children and each other. Truly an epidemic, often deadly.
To stop fostering another generation of bullies we need to “teach kids strategies to help themselves when they are in a bullying situation.” “Who’s going to stop this? If not you then who? Take a stand. Lend a hand. Stop bullying now.”
One helpful tool that is increasingly used in schools is an anonymous survey given to students to assess the bullying issues in the school. You can go to https://www.stopbullying.gov/prevention/assess-bullying to find help in developing such a survey. Like rape, students are often reluctant to report bullying out of fear or embarrassment or “the code of silence”. That’s why an anonymous written survey can be very useful to help identify problem areas in each school.
Teachers, administrators and parents must all be involved in addressing this problem, along with students. Students in school are there to be taught how to succeed in life. “Bullies have a profound impact in making the community feel less safe. There are consequences for hurting others. There is a higher likelihood that young bullies will be involved with the criminal justice system.”
Sometimes antibullying programs don’t work well. This is a delicate situation that requires thoughtful consideration and research. Find out what works or doesn’t from others who have worked on this. The book Bullying talks about this.
Christopher Bergland’s great article in Psychology Today, titled What Tactics Motivate Bullies to Stop Bullying is very informative and well researched. It’s an easy read and a good resource. Find it at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201404/what-tactics-motivate-bullies-stop-bullying
Suicide prevention help lines in the U.S. include:
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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline |
1-800-273-8255 |
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Trans Lifeline |
1-877-565-8860 (for the transgender community) |
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TrevorLifeline |
1-866-488-7386 (for LGBTQ youth) |
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Veterans Crisis Line |
1-800-273-8255, Press 1 |
https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/index.html
There’s more information on this important topic. If you care, use the resources I’ve cited and look on the net for more information. And by the way, Thanks for Caring!
Bill Barksdale was inducted into the 2016 Realtor® Hall of Fame, and served as Chair of the County of Mendocino Assessment Appeals Board settling property tax disputes between the County Assessor & citizens and businesses. DRE# 01106662, Coldwell Banker Mendo Realty Inc. Read more of Bill’s columns on his blog at www.bbarksdale.com 707-459-1200
