Comfort Food for the Soul

 

Comfort Food for the Soul

By Bill Barksdale, columnist

There’s a small cabin we like to rent every once in a while on the Oregon coast.  It has a cozy fireplace and ancient pine paneling and a big window overlooking the ocean.  As I sit here next to my own fireplace radiating a comforting heat on a chilly morning, I think not only of that cabin but of a movie that I’m going to watch again tonight called Enchanted April by film maker Mike Newell.  It’s a story about people who are having difficulty in their lives, looking for a way to feel better.  They don’t know each other well but see an ad in the paper for a villa for rent in Italy.  The only way they can afford to rent it is by going in together and splitting the cost. 

Obviously this movie is not a fast-paced thriller or even a laugh-fest.  It’s a slowly unfolding tale that weaves together the stories of people who don’t know each other well, if at all, but have a common need to simply feel better.  Isn’t it interesting that we often don’t take the time to just feel better?  If there was ever a time to enjoy that basic pleasure of looking for something that makes one feel good, this is that time.  Fortunately, there are things to feel grateful about all around us.  Sometimes we have to look a bit more to see them, but they’re there.  I have a list and every day I add one thing that I’m grateful for.  It’s a long list now, but I never have difficulty thinking of something to add.

It’s not that I deny that life is often a struggle.  Of course it is.  My late friend Gregg had a childhood disease that left him a paraplegic, unable to walk.  Yet he got out every day in his motorized wheel chair and courageously maneuvered the driveway dips, broken or missing sidewalks, even nasty slurs yelled from some idiot in a speeding car – and would then drop into my office and we’d chat about the theater or an idea that had been cooking in his imagination.  He had a brilliant mind.  Pain?  Yes.  Struggle?  Yes.  But still valued being alive.  A remarkable person.

Some things like pain or loss of abilities are more of a challenge.  The process of dying is often a great difficulty for the person dying and their loved ones.  We all die.  It’s nature’s way.  Eventually there’s a peace that can be found in death.  Losing a loved one can feel like a huge punch in the stomach.  Grief cannot be denied.  Gratitude for the good times can help sooth. 

For thirty years I served people in my business.  Each day was full and busy.  Much of my job was helping people though big life-changes.   If you would have told me I would actually enjoy studying business law, easements or water statutes – I would have thought you were crazy, yet I have found those things fascinating.  Much of my satisfaction came from helping people.  Often times enjoyment of life comes from being useful and of benefit to others.  All that learning came in handy to help a client solve a problem.  That was my job, being of service to my clients.  Gave me a sense of satisfaction and even joy.

I just glanced down and noticed the pair of bright red wool socks that my dear friend, Emmy, dropped off at my front door yesterday.  She knitted them and each time I see their whimsically creative pattern I feel her friendship and remember how just a few days ago we were laughing wildly as she told me she had torn out the toe of the sock twice to correct a missed stitch.  The sheer fun she gets out of knitting and our telephone horseplay is enough to brighten the moments. 

Sometimes, especially lately, I’ve listened to the news too much.  I’ve learned to just turn it off.  There are things I can do something about, but there are some things that are out of my control so I’m teaching myself to let go of that stuff.  There are a million different places I can focus my thoughts.  Some are truly important and I want to work those situations out.  Some are just as well forgotten.  I remember an old self-hypnosis tape I used to have.  The therapist would often say, once the listener was is a deep state of relaxation “Now let go.  Let go.”  And you know what, when I allow myself to be very relaxed – and I realize it’s my choice – it’s pretty easy to let go of bothersome thoughts.  They’re just thoughts after all and I can always choose to focus on something else. 

Worrying can become a habit.  In fact it usually is a habit.  Worry seldom, if ever, fixes anything.  Oh, I can think of something I want to do, but it doesn’t have to become an obsessive “worry”.  Just figure out a time to get it done and do it, or let it go.  One thing I choose not to worry about anymore is what someone may think of me.   That’s their stuff, not mine.  Often times a kind word or note to that person can be enough for both of us to feel better and “let go”.  It doesn’t hurt me to say a kind word, or even “I’m sorry” if I was unkind.  I don’t have an ego need to always be right.

Think of something that makes you feel happy.  Relax into that.  It just takes a moment.