Something Happens & Then…

 

Something Happens & Then…

Bill Barksdale, Columnist

A few years ago the husband of someone very close to me, died.  They had moved a couple of times since their children grew up.  Each time they moved they got rid of stuff, but when her husband died she made the decision to sell their house and buy a condo in a place that offers independent living and several levels of care as one ages.  This is a 55 years or older place.  She took a year to get rid of all kinds of stuff – the collections of two lifetimes. She advised me to begin now so I don’t leave it to someone else to clean up after me.

Her new condo is quite a bit smaller than the house she shared with her husband but a good size for her, plus meals are available so she doesn’t have to cook anymore which is a feature she loves – that and the friends she is quickly making.  There’s also a regular group for those going through the grieving process, the type of group help many can use at a difficult time.

During my long real estate career, one of the questions I would ask my clients is ‘Do you have a will and/or a Living Trust?’  About 70% of the time the answer was no.  If the clients were a couple that were not married, their estate would be destined to go to any surviving family members if all assets were not in both names. Even marriage doesn’t guarantee your spouse will inherit everything.

If you have an unmarried partner that you want your estate to go to you will need to do one of several things.  You will either need to put their name as co-owners of things like houses, cars, investment & bank accounts & other things of value – or put that partner’s name in your will as your beneficiary of these things – or have a Living Trust and have your partner as your Successor Trustee or co-trustee.  Consult a qualified legal advisor but choose how you will make sure your life partner gets what you want them to have.  Otherwise, the surviving partner may get an eviction notice & be left with nothing, even if you’ve been together for many years.  This happens often.  Make sure it doesn’t happen to you and your loved one.

What a shame.  During a difficult time a beloved partner can be left homeless and sometimes penniless, not knowing what to do or where to go.  We’re often so intent on avoiding thinking about and talking about the inevitable, that we all die, that even thinking about it is avoided.  Very bad idea.  This may be shocking news to you, but you are going to die and if you own anything of value you will need to plan now what happens to those things, especially real estate and other financial assets.  Consider having both names on deeds & accounts for long-time, trusted partners.

By the time you read this column I will be a day or two after some fairly routine but serious surgery.  One thing you will be asked each time you go to the hospital is “Do you have an Advance Health Care Directive on file with the hospital?”  This is a document you prepare as part of your estate planning.  It’s a form that describes in detail what you want to happen should you have a poor outcome at the hospital or at home.  Outcomes such as a ‘persistent vegetative state’ i.e. brain dead, a permanent coma with no hope of recovery, or a terminal condition with no reasonable hope of recovery or quality of life. 

Doctors and hospitals are trained to keep your body alive at any cost even if your outcome is likely being just a body kept alive by artificial means with no cognitive function left.  This can be not only costly but a denial of Nature itself.  You can instruct, in your Advance Health Care Directive, that you do not want artificial life support such as a ventilator to keep you breathing when your body would not naturally keep breathing, or being fed & hydrated with a feeding tube.  If your body is brain-dead or in an irreversible coma but still breathing, you can instruct that “comfort care” to relieve any pain still be administered even though you may not be able to feel pain.  Every case is unique and these are serious decisions.

Some well-meaning loved ones may not be able to stand the idea of your death and would be willing to keep your body functioning artificially for years sometimes.  This has happened.  In our high-tech world a natural death can be postponed.  If this is something you would want then go for it and say so in writing.  If you would like to just let go then you need to say so – in writing, signed, dated & notarized.  Big decisions but necessary to think about now, and put in writing, signed & notarized. 

Recently I got a call from an agency trying to locate anyone who might be known to have some sort of legal authority over a beloved friend who is in end-stage dementia.  She did have a Will but the daughter she left everything to in her will died some years ago and there is no one with a Power of Attorney for Health Care, Conservatorship or known relatives.  Her home was foreclosed on and sold by the lender with only a small amount owing, and this official was trying to find who might be able to administer this estate.  At this time there is no one with a ‘Conservatorship’ for my friend.  Regularly review your estate documents & keep them up to date.  Name successor beneficiaries. 

You can add beneficiaries or trusteeship to assets like bank accounts, some investment accounts & give written permission for access to bank lock boxes by having a special card signed by you the other person & on file at your bank.  Some people put trusted loved ones as co-owners of the accounts.  Of course you will have beneficiaries for life insurance if you have it.  Think about who you would want your business assets to go to if that’s not already clearly in writing or already co-owned with a right of survivorship.  Other assets may include automobiles, valuable furnishings, jewelry, and valuable collections.  Who will take your pets or livestock? 

My advice is to talk with an attorney experienced in these matters, or meet with a para-legal.  A para-legal is not authorized to provide legal advice but can fill out the proper forms at a fraction of the cost of most attorneys.  I’ve spent thousands of dollars on attorneys to draw up such documents, much of which I didn’t understand – then ultimately I went to a local para-legal who used Nolo Press forms at a fraction of the expense. 

Many people make pre-arrangements with local funeral homes for after-death arrangements about the body.  Cremation, embalming & burial?  You prepay for these services and spare your loved ones from having to do it.  They just have to call the funeral home.  This can be a great kindness to your surviving loved ones. 

I’m not an attorney or health professional, and not qualified to provide legal or health advice, but I’ve seen a lot and I strongly advise you to think about these matters and seek advice from qualified professionals.  As a last resort you may at least write a ‘holographic will’ written completely in your own hand writing, signed & dated, witnessed by two adults & notarized normally.  Some states don’t recognize holographic wills.  Talk with a qualified expert.

One last thing.  If you have a lot of ‘stuff’ start getting rid of as much as you can if it’s no longer important to you.  Don’t leave it to family and loved ones to clean up what they may not want.  Also, find someone you trust to agree to be Executor of your will if you don’t have a Trust with Successor Trustees. 

Regardless of your age, put your affairs in order as best you can.  Watch YouTube talks about estate planning.  Put a little time into taking care of end-of-life planning.  Let those close to you know where you are keeping these documents, plus passwords & keys.  Let’s face it.  We’re all going to die. 

A pioneer of the hospice movement, Dr. Elizabeth Kubla-Ross once said “death is but a transition from this life to another existence.”  I personally don’t believe in hell.  We humans make plenty of hell here and now.  No one really knows what happens after physical death.  I believe in Love.  I believe death is like going through a door and emerging into Love – whatever one to chooses to call it. 

A Journey with Friends

 

A Journey with Friends

Bill Barksdale, Columnist

I was going to write a column about how credit ratings work, but I’m not in the mood.  I’m sure Jennifer & The Willits Weekly would be happy to have a real real estate column from me.  One thing I learned from my long career is real estate is more than business.  Half of my job was being an untrained psychologist.  Thank goodness I’ve had a long and varied life with many experiences, many friends, many people I didn’t like so much but learned from.  That’s life’s journey.  It’s also why one chooses a place to live – thus real estate.

I called an old friend that I used to work for in San Francisco nearly 50 years ago.  Now in his early 80’s and finally closing his business, he was in a plane on the runway getting ready to take off for Italy.  Richard is a dealer in Asian antiques.  I bought a lot of things from him over the years, things I’ve enjoyed for most of my life and many I am now trying to find new homes for.  Part of the clutter of a lifetime.  Some pieces I can’t let go of, not yet, so I continue to enjoy them.  He taught me so much about how to appreciate to delicate beauty of Asian art.  What a marvelous gift!

Half a lifetime ago Joe and I moved to Willits.  We followed that dream to live in Mendocino County, to live in the country.  We followed that same mysterious, clarion call that has enticed so many over the years.  We had the experience of living in a small cabin in the woods – off the grid, an outhouse, running through the woods with the dogs in the fresh, clean air, a garden lush with John Jeavon’s double-dug beds of lettuce, tomatoes, broccoli, strawberries, and celery – life’s real treasures. 

I still remember what I think of as the happiest moment of my life.  One snowy evening, sitting next to the wood stove and reading by kerosene lamps, it was so quiet that I could literally hear the snowflakes falling on the front porch.  I looked up and Joe was on the other side of the small room, reading.  On the floor between us our 3 dogs curled around each other sleeping.  Old Robin, our city cat sleeping on Joe’s lap and being used as a book-rest.  I thought ‘this is the happiest moment of my life’.  I still think of it that way.

Over the years friends have graced my life.  My severely disabled dear friend Gregg Barsi, used to come by my office for a visit in his wheel chair.  One day he asked if I’d like to go for a walk.  That “walk” was a real eye opener.  Gregg lived in his wheel chair and the sidewalks of Willits are a challenge for people with disabilities.  Driveway dips are a particular hazard and Gregg fell into the street more than once needing help to right his chair and get back in it.  Sometime the sidewalks disappeared altogether.  Sometimes some idiot would yell obscenities at him as they sped by in their car – Gregg was never able to drive in his all too short lifetime.

I remember with delight Dick & Maggie Grahams’s natural food store, Harvest Bounty.  They became treasured friends.  Dick was somehow able to make the most delicious pizza in a toaster oven!  He’s the one who got me hooked on Spirulina which I still use in my morning smoothies.  The few times we were able to get away for a vacation over the years, Dick would stay at our house and care for the animals.  I miss him and thank him every morning when I open the tin of jasmine green tea that I still keep my tea in – a gift from Dick.

Life just wouldn’t be the same without our beloved friend, Gail Richards.  She’s a collage artist and each month we receive a magnificent, humorous work from her.  Her creativity and loving kindness seem without limit.  After a recent surgery, large pots of the most delicious soups would appear on the front porch – sometimes a pie passed along from Gail’s friend whom I consider a pie-genius. 

What can I say about Emmy Good?  I have to be careful here because we talked each other through the first 2 years of the pandemic.  She & husband Bill moved here in the 1970’s from L.A.  They too followed their dream to the redwoods.  Emmy is still my yoga teacher in her 80’s. A woman of seemingly inexhaustible energy – and some very funny, often risqué’ stories.  Also, a true friend.

I often have an impulse to pick up the phone to call my cherished friend, Sally Miller Gearhart, but I can’t because Sally moved on from this life a year or so ago.  Could it be longer than that?  Sally had great wisdom and compassion.  Her love of animals and respect for the forest was unsurpassed.  She started one of the nation’s first women’s studies classes at San Francisco State University.  She marched hand-in-hand with Harvey Milk to fight for equal rights.  She was a brilliant & inventive writer, had a delicious sense of humor.  I still talk with her but in my imagination.  Who’s to say we’re not having a conversation?

John Lazaro, Kerri Vau & Lee Persico gave me my start in the real estate business at Coldwell Banker Mendo Realty.  They offer the best training.  My friend, Tara Moratti, with her seemingly endless energy and smarts took over as the  broker of C.B.M.R.  I watched her grow and learn and become a brilliant real estate agent.  Tara is a Willits hometown girl, one we can be proud of.

What about The Willits Weekly.  If it weren’t for Jennifer & Maureen we wouldn’t have a hometown paper!  Their dedication and tenacity amaze me each week.  We’re one of the few small towns in the county with an independent small-town paper.  That takes drive & dedication.  My gratitude to everyone at Willits Weekly.

As I sit here typing and recovering I can’t leave out the people who made Howard Hospital happen!  Also our fine new fire station.  This little town has two of the finest such facilities in the county.  This little town has a world-class hospital!  A group effort by dedicated people who had a dream and pride of community to see to it that we had the best!  Wow!

Somehow the Willits Center for the Arts, and the Willits Community Theatre keep hanging on, bring live entertainment and a showcase for our area’s very fine artists.  Gary Martin, Steve Marston, Mike A’dair and so many more dedicate their lives and thousands of hours to offering us art to enrich our lives.  Lois & Jeff Hoover somehow have kept our cherished Noyo Theater operating.  They’ve made this vintage theater better & better bringing us the latest in movies.  Remarkable.

The Willits Food Bank, Willits Daily Bread, Willits Senior Center – all friends.  All doing their service to our community.  All Loved – yes loved.  There are many more people on this journey I’m taking, more to thank for their generosity and sharing their own journeys with me and so many others.  This is Community.  These are some of the people that make life worth living.  The old real estate saying “Location, location, location” has many elements – not just a view. 

WHY HERE? WHY NOW?

 

WHY HERE?  WHY NOW?

Bill Barksdale, Columnist

Sitting here in my comfortable chair on a chilly spring morning as I do virtually every morning, I miss the warming wintertime fire in the fireplace.  This day will soon be warm so there’s no reason to heat the morning up only to be too warm in a couple of hours.  Our house stays cool on hot days if the windows and doors are open to the nighttime’s coolness.  Still, there are few things more comforting than a warm hearth on a chilly day.  I’ll have to wait months for that pleasure again.  Something to look forward to – the simple pleasures of life.

As I was sitting here writing, which is my habit every morning, I saw a brilliant yellow butterfly skipping from flower to flower outside.  It amazes me that these seemingly fragile creatures fly thousands of miles each year to breed in one place, then fly to Willits or some other far off land for the summer.  Remarkable. 

During my decades as a real estate agent I’ve often asked clients how they ended up in Willits.  Sometimes it’s to be near family.  Sometimes to follow a dream to live in the country.  But why here?  I was often surprised when people told me that they had no idea how they ended up moving here.  They just did.  That was the case with me and my spouse. 

We knew nothing about Willits when we followed some kind of feral call, the residue of a dream to live in “the country”.  Why Willits?  We read a clever ad in the San Francisco Chronicle classifieds.  There was no internet to peruse in those days.  We were looking for a house to buy in SF when one could buy a great house for less than $200,000.00, then one day on a whim we decided to look in the paper and within three weeks bought a piece of land in the legendary redwoods with nothing but an unfinished cabin, no electricity, no phone, not even windows – a different world only once-upon-a-time, fanaticized about. 

During the 70’s many people moved to Mendocino County from places like L.A., S.F. even other states and occasionally Europe.  It wasn’t the draw of family, but often friends.  Sometimes just an almost mystical attraction.  For those who were born and raised here, us “newbies” were often not welcomed, but as decades passed we became part of this place.

When I was in my early 20’s I read books by author Carlos Castaneda about a character named Don Juan, a Yaqui native of South America.  I’ve never been certain that Don Juan was an actual person or a creation of Castaneda, but it doesn’t really matter because the mythos, the irresistible story was spellbinding.  I recall Don Juan saying that one has to find their spot – their place.  I think that for many, Mendocino County was that place.  My secondhand copy of Journey to Ixtlan – The Lessons of Don Juan has an inscription on the inside cover page “Alex, It’s about walking in the dark, Love Steve”. 

When you think about it, life itself is kind of like walking in the dark.  We live moment-to-moment.  I don’t have to tell you that life can change in an instant.  The events of these days let us know that life literally changes in a moment.  Sometimes sending us on a great adventure, sometimes into a nightmare – all of it a new path, each path with its own challenges.  We sometimes find ourselves wandering through life with its twists and turns, looking for – what?  The meaning of life itself, I guess.  I often muse about this.

At different stages of life we need different types of homes.  As a child a stable home is desired, but not always had.  As we leave our parent’s home, we often have a need for more flexible housing as we explore.  Careers and mental health often require more permanent housing. As we get into older age and often the disabilities that accompany older age, we require care and more stable housing.  At all stages of life we need affordable health care, and affordable housing.  Affordability has become a major element of life now. 

My Mother & Stepfather are now over 100 years old.  They lived and worked at a time when people got pensions and retirement plans.  Even with those, now increasingly rare financial securities, just a place to live and have the care they need takes every bit of their income plus a good part of their savings which will eventually run out.  At the extraordinary cost of well over $6,000.00 per month, they are among the few who can afford “old age”, and then for only a limited time. 

We have a great need for affordable housing everywhere.  For older people who no longer have jobs, there are precious few options.  Here in Willits I and many of my aging friends are wondering what will be available to us as places to live.  What about those with dementia, a devastating disability that many families are dealing with.  I’ve written about this before.  We need to find a way to house in a humane way, our older & disabled selves.  Where is the “spot” for us and our fellow humans?  We’re fortunate that our effective State Senator, Mike McGuire is concerned about this.  He’s a good guy.

Have we become a society that has become so frightened about how to just survive day-to-day that we often foolishly elect “leaders” whose priorities are to make the rich richer through a dangerously uncaring and corrupt tax system, in which people in need of the basics of survival are just thrown away like garbage?  Are you or someone you love, someone who will be thrown away if you become disabled or outgrow you resources?  I am always amazed by voters who vote against their own best interests.  Why do they do that?  Just stupid?  Just used to not thinking for themselves?  Are so afraid and angry that they hand their personal power over to power-hungry, greedy lying liars? 

We need leaders with vision who see and understand essential needs and find solutions.  We need, each of us, to be looking for solutions.  The idealism and exploration of youth is wonderful, and necessary.  The realities of disability and old age are in many of our faces right now.  What makes life worth living?  First, a decent place to live, food to eat, good education.  Our wonderful Willits has precious few options for the aged & disabled, and that can be said for pretty much every other place in the U.S. 

I would say that aged and disabled people ‘fall through the cracks’ but since most of us will experience these challenges – that is not a “crack”, it’s a failure of good government planning.  Most ‘developed nations’ do plan for these needs.  Some families still step up to help their family members that are in need.  That used to be common practice, still is in many places.  Not planning to help those in need is just plain poor government.  Ask any elderly or disabled homeless person.  We must do better, and we must openly discuss this. 

We’ve made some piss-pour choices for leaders in this country.  If a politician doesn’t have priorities and plans for the basics, they need to be gotten rid of.  We are at a time when we need to stand up and say “shut up and get out” to so-called “leaders” that don’t have viable solutions & plans to implement them.  Taxing has to be fair and smart about how those tax dollars are spent.  We don’t need tax cuts for billionaires or millionaires.  They’re not heroes.  We need decent quality of life for all.  Good education for all.  As a viable society, we need solutions – and we need them now. 

Bill Barksdale was inducted into the 2016 Realtor® Hall of Fame, and served as Chair of the County of Mendocino Assessment Appeals Board settling property tax disputes between the County Assessor & citizens and businesses.  Read more of Bill’s columns on his blog at www.bbarksdale.com