Something Happens & Then…

 

Something Happens & Then…

Bill Barksdale, Columnist

A few years ago the husband of someone very close to me, died.  They had moved a couple of times since their children grew up.  Each time they moved they got rid of stuff, but when her husband died she made the decision to sell their house and buy a condo in a place that offers independent living and several levels of care as one ages.  This is a 55 years or older place.  She took a year to get rid of all kinds of stuff – the collections of two lifetimes. She advised me to begin now so I don’t leave it to someone else to clean up after me.

Her new condo is quite a bit smaller than the house she shared with her husband but a good size for her, plus meals are available so she doesn’t have to cook anymore which is a feature she loves – that and the friends she is quickly making.  There’s also a regular group for those going through the grieving process, the type of group help many can use at a difficult time.

During my long real estate career, one of the questions I would ask my clients is ‘Do you have a will and/or a Living Trust?’  About 70% of the time the answer was no.  If the clients were a couple that were not married, their estate would be destined to go to any surviving family members if all assets were not in both names. Even marriage doesn’t guarantee your spouse will inherit everything.

If you have an unmarried partner that you want your estate to go to you will need to do one of several things.  You will either need to put their name as co-owners of things like houses, cars, investment & bank accounts & other things of value – or put that partner’s name in your will as your beneficiary of these things – or have a Living Trust and have your partner as your Successor Trustee or co-trustee.  Consult a qualified legal advisor but choose how you will make sure your life partner gets what you want them to have.  Otherwise, the surviving partner may get an eviction notice & be left with nothing, even if you’ve been together for many years.  This happens often.  Make sure it doesn’t happen to you and your loved one.

What a shame.  During a difficult time a beloved partner can be left homeless and sometimes penniless, not knowing what to do or where to go.  We’re often so intent on avoiding thinking about and talking about the inevitable, that we all die, that even thinking about it is avoided.  Very bad idea.  This may be shocking news to you, but you are going to die and if you own anything of value you will need to plan now what happens to those things, especially real estate and other financial assets.  Consider having both names on deeds & accounts for long-time, trusted partners.

By the time you read this column I will be a day or two after some fairly routine but serious surgery.  One thing you will be asked each time you go to the hospital is “Do you have an Advance Health Care Directive on file with the hospital?”  This is a document you prepare as part of your estate planning.  It’s a form that describes in detail what you want to happen should you have a poor outcome at the hospital or at home.  Outcomes such as a ‘persistent vegetative state’ i.e. brain dead, a permanent coma with no hope of recovery, or a terminal condition with no reasonable hope of recovery or quality of life. 

Doctors and hospitals are trained to keep your body alive at any cost even if your outcome is likely being just a body kept alive by artificial means with no cognitive function left.  This can be not only costly but a denial of Nature itself.  You can instruct, in your Advance Health Care Directive, that you do not want artificial life support such as a ventilator to keep you breathing when your body would not naturally keep breathing, or being fed & hydrated with a feeding tube.  If your body is brain-dead or in an irreversible coma but still breathing, you can instruct that “comfort care” to relieve any pain still be administered even though you may not be able to feel pain.  Every case is unique and these are serious decisions.

Some well-meaning loved ones may not be able to stand the idea of your death and would be willing to keep your body functioning artificially for years sometimes.  This has happened.  In our high-tech world a natural death can be postponed.  If this is something you would want then go for it and say so in writing.  If you would like to just let go then you need to say so – in writing, signed, dated & notarized.  Big decisions but necessary to think about now, and put in writing, signed & notarized. 

Recently I got a call from an agency trying to locate anyone who might be known to have some sort of legal authority over a beloved friend who is in end-stage dementia.  She did have a Will but the daughter she left everything to in her will died some years ago and there is no one with a Power of Attorney for Health Care, Conservatorship or known relatives.  Her home was foreclosed on and sold by the lender with only a small amount owing, and this official was trying to find who might be able to administer this estate.  At this time there is no one with a ‘Conservatorship’ for my friend.  Regularly review your estate documents & keep them up to date.  Name successor beneficiaries. 

You can add beneficiaries or trusteeship to assets like bank accounts, some investment accounts & give written permission for access to bank lock boxes by having a special card signed by you the other person & on file at your bank.  Some people put trusted loved ones as co-owners of the accounts.  Of course you will have beneficiaries for life insurance if you have it.  Think about who you would want your business assets to go to if that’s not already clearly in writing or already co-owned with a right of survivorship.  Other assets may include automobiles, valuable furnishings, jewelry, and valuable collections.  Who will take your pets or livestock? 

My advice is to talk with an attorney experienced in these matters, or meet with a para-legal.  A para-legal is not authorized to provide legal advice but can fill out the proper forms at a fraction of the cost of most attorneys.  I’ve spent thousands of dollars on attorneys to draw up such documents, much of which I didn’t understand – then ultimately I went to a local para-legal who used Nolo Press forms at a fraction of the expense. 

Many people make pre-arrangements with local funeral homes for after-death arrangements about the body.  Cremation, embalming & burial?  You prepay for these services and spare your loved ones from having to do it.  They just have to call the funeral home.  This can be a great kindness to your surviving loved ones. 

I’m not an attorney or health professional, and not qualified to provide legal or health advice, but I’ve seen a lot and I strongly advise you to think about these matters and seek advice from qualified professionals.  As a last resort you may at least write a ‘holographic will’ written completely in your own hand writing, signed & dated, witnessed by two adults & notarized normally.  Some states don’t recognize holographic wills.  Talk with a qualified expert.

One last thing.  If you have a lot of ‘stuff’ start getting rid of as much as you can if it’s no longer important to you.  Don’t leave it to family and loved ones to clean up what they may not want.  Also, find someone you trust to agree to be Executor of your will if you don’t have a Trust with Successor Trustees. 

Regardless of your age, put your affairs in order as best you can.  Watch YouTube talks about estate planning.  Put a little time into taking care of end-of-life planning.  Let those close to you know where you are keeping these documents, plus passwords & keys.  Let’s face it.  We’re all going to die. 

A pioneer of the hospice movement, Dr. Elizabeth Kubla-Ross once said “death is but a transition from this life to another existence.”  I personally don’t believe in hell.  We humans make plenty of hell here and now.  No one really knows what happens after physical death.  I believe in Love.  I believe death is like going through a door and emerging into Love – whatever one to chooses to call it.