RIVER OF FORGETFULNESS

 

JOURNAL

River of Forgetfulness

Bill Barksdale, Columnist

In ancient Greek mythology, when a person died it was believed that they crossed over the River Lethe – the goddess of which was Lethe.  It was believed early in that mythology that if a soul drank from or even touched the water, they would forget everything and wander in the “underworld” as a lost soul.  But later it was believed that a soul could drink just a bit and forget only the lifetime just lived, I suppose in a way, to be free of any entanglements or pain of that lifetime - to be freed to move on. 

In author and psychotherapist, Thomas Moore’s book Care Of The Soul, he refers to it as “the river of forgetfulness”.  I found this particularly poetic.  Some of us wonder if some aspect of us, sometimes called our “soul”, survives physical death and will somehow continue on in some fashion – depending on what one believes.  Of course, it’s all a great mystery.  I always try my best to remember the old adage for the here and now “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” 

Moore goes on to say “The soul path is marked by neurotic tendencies as well as by high ideals, by ignorance as well as by knowledge, and by daily incarnated life as well as by high levels of consciousness.”  I can certainly relate to this.  I’ve learned to appreciate my high ideals, but frequently fall short.  Yet the school of Life churns on – the never ending Journey.

In Neil Simon’s autobiography, Rewrites (he was known as ‘the play doctor’ because when a Broadway show was in trouble from unfulfilled writing, he would often be called in to “fix” it with his rewriting), Simon says “You suddenly become aware that old people you know weren’t always old.  It was not their occupation in Life, as we supposed.”  We live such complicated lives, always flowing down that same river.

I mention this as I just finished reading about the passing of Linda Buletti Burton.  I didn’t know Linda well, but whenever I would run into her she was unfailingly kind and friendly.  I always felt better after chatting with her for a few minutes.  I never felt judged or inadequate in Linda’s eyes.  She had a special gift for making one feel better.  A great gift indeed!

As I write this my dear friend, Gail, is in a nursing facility under heavy sedation to control the excruciating pain she’s been in for over two years now.  Gail has been a beloved friend for over thirty years.  She’s also a person who is unfailingly kind.  Her many friends here in Willits miss her greatly, since she had to move to be near her daughter.  One friend told me she feels as though she has a hole in her life.  That’s how loss feels sometimes.   

I could always count on a cake for a birthday, or just because Gail was in the mood to bake – then give us a call.  We would sit at her Mother’s huge dining table covered with a snow white table cloth – that I spilled more than one glass of red wine on by turning carelessly and knocking my glass over. “Never mind” she would laugh.  I’ll just throw it into the washer.  She did begin to buy her wine glasses at the Dollar Store for my visits.

I have so many friends in Willits, a place I’ve lived for half of my life.  Some friends have died, others still here.  All of us that are still alive, getting older.  There’s a kind of wisdom that can happen as one ages.  Not that wisdom is always without some pain attached.  Yet, I wouldn’t go back to those youthful years.  Perhaps a younger body, perhaps a better memory.  But I’ve grown to like my life.  There are still often great challenges and even great sorrows, but also the experience of living and the appreciation that that can bring. 

Yes, I’d like to drink just a few drops from that river of forgetfulness on occasion.  Some experiences are very difficult.  Some life-lessons are agonizing, even heart-wrenching – yet who would I be without them?  That’s a question that may be unanswerable.  Why has someone as wonderful as Gail been in such excruciating pain for over two years?  Why have her things been sold at an “estate sale” and her beautiful home now occupied by someone else?  I have no answer other than to say, we all go sometime.  We rarely know when or how, but it will end someday – this lifetime.

Gail had a small charm dangling from a lamp. It said in a short sentence something about the importance of a true friend in one’s life.  She’s always been and remains the personification of that importance and trust.

I’m reminded from time-to-time of the importance of trust and who one can truly trust.  I learned over the years that trust is essential, not only in friendship, but in business as well – and although I hesitate to mention it here – in politics and leadership.

There have been times in my life when I’d like to sip a few drops from that river of forgetfulness.  I suppose that, perhaps, we would each like that tiny sip at times, that relief of forgetting.  One of life’s more challenging lessons is that we usually don’t forget. One has to chalk it up to the lesson – hopefully making one stronger and wiser. One gets older and the lessons keep coming. The nature of the lessons can change with age.

I was blessed with a loving mother who watched over her children like a mother lion, a good provider. When my Mother and Step-Father both died this past Christmas, within weeks of each other after a long and happy marriage, I didn’t grieve.  I was happy for them.  They were both over one-hundred years old.  I didn’t see any great gift in extreme old age.  For some perhaps it’s what they want.  The body changes, the mind usually lets go little-by-little.  For some, of course, they are fairly sharp and somehow have found the secret of joy up to the very end.  There’s no one answer for everyone. 

Even though I’m no longer a young man, many of my friends are older than I, some much older.  Some are lonely, others keep finding new experiences and wonders in life.  All have bodies that remind us of the truth that the body is not meant to last forever.  When I hear people talk about how they’d like to “live forever”, meaning this lifetime – I can’t even conceive of why anyone would want that. 

Just as all of my beloved dogs and cats have shown me over my lifetime, the body wears out.  It’s meant to.  Yes, it’s difficult to take a beloved, suffering pet to the vet to be “put down”.  Our old vet and friend, the late Frank Grasse, once told me “the most difficult thing about my job is euthanizing an animal”.  He had great empathy for animals. He also had to witness the grief that a pet’s human went through.  Our pets, with their usually much shorter lives, teach us that there is a time for everything, including letting go of physical life.  They bring us great joy while they are here, then they too have to move on. 

In a way, the ones we love, never die as long as we remember them, at least there’s gratitude for them having been here.  I don’t want to forget that love and trust and friendship that I’ve been fortunate enough to share. Remembering friendship is one of life’s blessings.

Well, there you have it.  My ramblings for today.  I wish you well on your journey.  

NOTE: Gail Richards died on July 3rd, 2024