SALLY MILLER GEARHART

 

JOURNAL

Sally Miller Gearhart

By Bill Barksdale, Columnist

My dear friend, Sally Miller Gearhart, died on July 14, 2021.  She wasn’t only my dear friend.  I think by the end of her life, pretty much everyone she knew was her dear friend.  That’s where she had grown to in her life, unconditional love for each person.  The last time I saw her was at her 90th birthday party held at her little cabin in the woods up Sherwood Road.  She greeted me as she had always greeted me during the years we had known each other, “Mr. Barksdale!”, then she would smile and laugh.  It was how she expressed affection to me.  We would then kiss and hug each other. 

I was nothing more special to Sally than others in her life.  She had a few fortunate “special friends” like her beloved Jane Gurko.  She and Jane had worked together at San Francisco State University where Sally had started one of the first, if not the first, university Women’s Studies class.  She was a university professor, a novelist and a trailblazer, that was just her way.  She stood with Harvey Milk at a very challenging time in civil rights history.

Bay area filmmaker, Deborah Craig, and her crew recently completed her long awaited film called SALLY which premiered to sold-out standing ovations at the Frameline48 film festival at KQED in San Francisco recently.  Deborah’s film is a long overdue tribute to a great and historic woman who lived most of her later life right here in Willits.

I spoke at Sally’s memorial in Recreation Grove Park on September 20^th 2021 – one of a number of speakers.  Following is what I had to say.

“My husband Joe and I are married today because of courageous pioneers like Sally Miller Gearhart, Harvey Milk and Jim Geary. When I think of what I’m grateful for, I think of them.

I remember I stood in a crowd of a few thousand angry queers and other friends, in front of San Francisco City Hall all those years ago at what became known as “The White Night Riot” after that sad, misguided assassin, Dan White, was sentenced to just 5 years in prison after methodically murdering Mayor George Moscone & Supervisor Harvey Milk – I could see police cars exploding in flames at the corner of McAllister & Polk St as their sirens screamed.  Their blazes, were a metaphor for the rage of all those people – gay & straight – who needed to let the world know, and feel our outrage and terrible pain.  Years later as I was chatting with Sally about that night she confessed to me she was one of those people rolling over the police cars and setting them on fire. 

Sally could be a Warrior when she needed to be. That was a part of her.  She also had the tenderness and caring of a best friend, and the innocent audacity of the Tarot’s Fool stepping off into the unknown, not always sure where she would end up but wanting the adventure.  She was always hungry, it seemed to me, to learn and to grow. 

She stood should-to-shoulder with courageous Harvey Milk, unafraid to lead to defeat the Briggs Initiative as that misguided man tried to ban non-heterosexual teachers from the classroom.  He lost thanks to their efforts.

Sally loved animals, and the forest where she lived.  She loved women – and in my experience reached out to all people.  I’m here today because Sally invited me.  She welcomed me as a friend, always calling me “Mr. Barksdale” with a sarcastic laugh and that smile – that famous smile.   

I don’t know what Sally’s legacy will be.  That’s still unfolding.  I feel sure she won’t be remembered as a “Lady”, even though her favorite default character to play when we did improv theater together was “the Southern Belle”.  Somewhere deep inside, that was Sally too.  She reminded me once that she had been a “separatist lesbian” which is how the New York Times remembered her recently.  I never experienced that part. 

I knew her as friend to discuss spiritual philosophy with.  To share meals with.  To play games with or just sit and chat. She was an academic, unlike me. She was always the most flexible one in yoga class. A contortionist.  She would bring her beloved dog, Bodhi, who would visit each one of us by plopping down on our mats as we balanced on one foot, or he would curl up with whomever he chose as we lay on the floor.  Sally would call to him loudly and annoyingly and apologize while we tried to relax. This was a weekly event. All of us loved Bodhi and enjoyed his affection, never bothered as he snuggled next to one of us.  Bodhi’s favorite food was the upholstery in Sally’s SUV.  She happily drove it around sitting on just the springs and metal frames which was all that was left of the interior.

After Yoga a few of us would go to Ardella’s for breakfast.  Too often Sally - along with Emmy Good & Marilyn McNair would recall some silly childhood song and the three of them would belt it out - silencing the other diners as I slid as far down in my seat as possible, trying to disappear as people stared in our direction.  She had an almost perverse fondness for men’s legs and when a guy in shorts would pass by she’d have to remark loudly, “look at those great legs, m-m-m”!

Her favorite, and only breakfast at Ardella’s was “Sally cakes”.  Sally cakes was a plate heaped with small, child-sized pancakes literally flooded with butter and buried in a mountain of powdered sugar.  She never had to order.  When she walked through the door a server would just yell to the kitchen “Sally’s here”!  Within minutes that dripping plate of artery-choking sludge would arrive, to her delight. 

When she was still teaching at SFU, she once asked me for any books I had on channeling, knowing that I have a large library on spiritual, philisophical and religious matters.  She informed me that she was planning to incorporate the channeling of spirits into her course at SFU somehow.  Don’t know how she did that but Sally was always opening doors.  The more taboo, the wider she opened the door. That was her way.  She was adventurous and daring - an explorer – and beneath it all a river of love.

I last saw Sally at her small 90^th birthday party at her cabin in the forest.  She was welcoming and warm, but she was tired.  When she passed out of this physical life a few weeks later I was teary-eyed for a moment but ultimately - I felt happy for her as I imagined her reunited with her dearest Jane Gurko, the two of them embracing, laughing.  Sally’s aged body had finished its work and she passed on to - whatever comes next – pure positive energy.  That was a belief we shared.

Sally grabbed onto, and treasured life.  She loved her privacy, yet she shared herself with the world.  She left the world a better place than she found it.

I’m sure Sally often spoke these words and won’t be offended if I say goodbye to her with Horatio’s blessing to his friend Hamlet.  “Good night sweet prince – and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.”  

 

Dearest Sally, like your driving, it was a wild ride.  Thanks for the lift.”

After a small memorial at Sally’s cabin each of us was given a small vial of her ashes to keep or distribute as we saw fit. I walked into the woods near her cabin and as I walked under a huge oak tree that she loved, the vial literally fell from my hand as if it had been pulled as it dropped to the ground.  I knew that’s where she wanted to be and that’s where I scraped the leaves and soil and planted those few ashes to nurture her favorite tree. That’s how she wanted it. 

  photo by Emmy Good